My hair is longer than ever as I – like so many nervous consumers – stretch the weeks between cuts. I've always wanted it this long, but would get too impatient and frustrated and cut it off (now it's a national holiday if I can coordinate an hour without children or work during salon hours). The truth is, my hair has never been the problem. Operator error is my curse. I'm just not good at doing my hair. I've been wearing it straight because it took years for me to learn how to use the straightening iron and I figured out that once I got it sort of calmed down, it would stay that way for days. "Natural" is, of course, a joke. Without styling, my hair looks like a crazy person. I've inquired, from time to time, about going wavy, but was put off by the steps involved in looking like you spent no time on your hair. Even Gisele doesn't wake up with those amazing waves, stylists say. And then they reconsider. Okay, maybe she does. But most people (i.e. losers like me) don't. I spent a recent beach vacation imagining my wet hair all loose waves and sex appeal, but in the mirror, it was more aftermath of electrocution. I complained to my stylist tonight that nothing works. He promised the length would help my thick locks fall more gracefully into place. Not true. My long bangs don't swoop like Katie Holmes'. And on top of it, the hair I lost during pregnancy is back – and wreaking frizzy havoc all around my face. "You're just bored," my stylist diagnosed. So he cut off an inch, did some rounding or straightening of layers or something and then diffused, diffused, diffused and scrunched, scrunched, scrunched. The result? No one will notice those frizzies now, nor do I need to worry about my bangs going the right direction. It's a little bit lioness, and I think I'm ok with that – tonight anyway. Of course now, the straightening creams, smoothing serums and irons I've spent years amassing are out the window and for the first time in my life with thick hair, I've been told to buy volumizer and get a diffuser. So much for cutbacks. Roar.