Here’s what I think happened: Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds were goofing around, for baby Louie’s entertainment – singing, dancing, jumping about, when KAPOW! – like a scene straight out of “The Proposal,” they bonked heads, leaving Sandy with a honking hematoma, hours before the red carpet – thus giving birth to the evenings top hair trend not to follow: clip on bangs!

On the subject of hair, I have this to say about Natalie Portman (besides wholehearted congratulations on the win): I know she’s pregnant and probably worried about face-puffing, but really, she is amazing with short hair. Lop off the ballerina bun and own it. I was a big fan of her Viktor & Rolf dress with the sparkling red rose adornment – perfectly elegant, yet quirky and sweet to showcase her blossoming belly.

Loved Anne Hathaway in her golden Armani Prive. What a bod. WHAT a bod. But it was also a rockin, unexpected choice – and so fun to see her in something non-princess-y. Moral of the story: Rachel Zoe could dress an A-lister from the delivery room – and that is exactly what she might have to do for the Oscars. Bananas.

Adored Olivia Wilde’s sparkling ball gown as well.

Green was the color of the night – loved it when first spotted on Angelina Jolie, but her actual dress was a bit boring and her fawing over Brad was entirely annoying. Red was another frequent choice..with some unfortunate results, like January Jones’ tacky straps and Julianne Moore’s one pouffed sleeve. Together, perhaps they would have had enough material to make something.

Lea Michele stuck with Oscar de la Renta ruffles, but went pink…and proved that, well, black is better.

As for Halle Berry and Sofia Vergara why bother even discussing the dresses. They are obscenely gorgeous.